The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
no, he came in my armpit
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hippo gnu deer
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
