Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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