drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
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