make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
