Me too!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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