I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
