The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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