I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
