i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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