SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
