woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
