I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
