Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
