the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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