so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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