she was so not down for the gang bang
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
