You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
