Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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