he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
