I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
