I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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