it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
