Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
