...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is my gift to your gina
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
