why didn't you poke me back
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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