dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
