You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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