Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude i'm inner monologue high
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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