If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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