He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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