I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
