Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
