Jerry, you need to find god
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
