it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
