Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
