I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
