I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
