Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
