it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
