'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
