john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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