remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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