i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
