if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
