I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
