I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
