I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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