What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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