im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
