I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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