Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
